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Did you ever get that feeling like, once you're eyes become adjusted to the fading lights of life, everything gets even darker? I don't know why I am holding on anymore.
There's nothing left to hold on to.
I feel like killing. Killing you and everyone you know. Killing anyone, killing someone. I want destruction. I want death, I want it now. I want to exact my wrath onto someone or something. I never really do. If only I could stand up from my chair at work and start breaking really expensive things. I would love that.
But I can't have it.... I am not meant to have what I want. I just want to get up and scream until my throat is raw. My voice screams on the inside.
It's okay. This is what I deserve. This is what I wanted anyway, right?
I just end up destroying myself anyways... they'll be plenty of time for that when I get home. Happy happy! Joy Joy!comments
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Working at a helpdesk sucks. It smells like shit in here. Probably something rotting in the fridge. The carpel tunnel is getting to me, as is the retards that keep calling me with the same goddamn problems over and over. I am sick of resetting people's goddamn passwords. My skills are being put to waste here at the medical school. Oh well, it's a living. I finally got a video card that I can play doom3 on! It's a pretty badass game. I have been messing with the
images page and categorizing things. Basically I have implemented the improved version of my
cytoplastik script, and I also made some improvements.
I am supposed to be jammin' with negative charge tonight. I hope that goes well. I am sick of not being musically productive. Maybe I will post some of our work in progress here? Soon I will be implementing the cgi into this news page. Just a matter of chopping things up into smaller pieces. Damn,
PNY's website sucks. It's so goddamn slow. It took me 45min to download a 5meg file from their server. Christ! Even this webpage is on a faster connection than that!
Kat
and
Isis are good. I posted two new pics of Kat yesterday. See if you can figure out which ones!
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I cannot sleep. I keep trying to do something that will make me. It's 2am. Today has been a busy day. I think that I am coming home tomorrow. There are hurricanes coming and I don't want to drive through them and I also cannot really afford to stay here until next week. Today has been a busy day. I think that there is something that just started as a pinching in me that has turned slowly
into a gnawing. The gnawing has turned into a biting, and now I feel sick. I feel like I am
questioning my existence as a functional human being in society. What am I doing. Why am I doing this
to myself.
Why must I destroy everything in my path. Where are my actions going to put me. Fuck. Just nauseum at this point. Why do I run myself through this kind of drama.
Things just don't make sense to me at this point. I am so tired and sunburnt I am almost delirious. my vision like a mesh of colors that makes no real recognizable shapes and objects. I some relief, but more
than that I have a horrible sense of doubt and uneasiness regarding my future.
I need to stop doing things on a whim. Just not thinking things through. Fucking everything up for myself.
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I jammed out with
negative charge
last night. It kicked ass. I hope we can keep the project alive this time. Kat is leaving for Florida tomorrow, and I am planning on leaving sunday or monday. I can't fucking wait. I am so ready to get the hell out of here. Crimeney. I would even go to Africa at this point. Well, maybe not
Africa.
Of course, florida does have
disney
land
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Jobbie job didnt work out. 13k pay cut? ummm no. anyways, I read this, and
I had to post it. And then there was
this. I swear the whole world is just retarded.
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I have a job interview at capitol college. I hope I get the job. No more end user crapola. I hate fixing these peoples computers that just go and install all this spyware and
whatnot. It's like they are their own worst enemy. I had to reload a machine completely becuase I didn't know what the hell to do with it.
Working sucks. I'd much rather be at home, asleep. My whole arm has been hurting a lot lately from too much damn 'puter.
I really gotta get out more :P I...need...vacation...
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